Professional wordsmiths and assorted members of the journalistic class were this week experiencing difficulties in explaining the tremendous victory of President-elect Donald J. Trump to their, presumably special needs, children.
Many writers were so frustrated by their own failures to ‘explain Trump’ that they sought to relieve these frustrations by writing at length about the frustrations and worries in whatever rag would publish such tosh.
Let’s have a look at the nonsense…
In the Washington Post one Ariana Eunjung Cha offered helpful advice in an article titled How to Explain the Election, Trump and your fears without panicking the kids.
Trump’s surprise upset over Democrat Hillary Clinton appears, at least anecdotally, to have made the situation worse for many people. Children may be especially vulnerable. Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets are full of reports (some verifiable and some unsubstantiated) about how their anxiety is playing out: kids who are gay or Muslim being too fearful to get on the school bus Wednesday morning. Episodes of bullying in which kids repeated things Trump has said. Children expressing fears about conflict, war and their future.
Fortunately for these children this paragraph is merely attempting to conjure up one of the medias favourite fearful fictions: the backlash. A cursory glance at any case where journalists have written of the fears gay people and Muslims have of being targeted and bullied by the bigoted swine that surround them, will show that these fears are always unfounded.
Daniel Griffin, a psychologist in the Washington area — a Democratic stronghold that supported Clinton — said in an interview that many patients were walking into his office “shellshocked.”
Don’t worry about these folks. They’re self-obsessed, entitled, over-sensitive morons. They’re probably shell-shocked when a café doesn’t have flat-white on the menu.
Michael W. Yogman, a pediatrician in Cambridge, Mass. and the chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on psychosocial aspects of child and family health, said the most important message a parent can give to a child is that “we as adults will protect you.”
But who will protect the children from the unfathomable idiocy of their lefty parents?
“There are democratic processes in this country and institutions that will protect all Americans and not allow bigotry to take over. That includes children with same-sex parents, gay children, disabled children and minority children,” he said, describing how one African American boy came in with the heartbreaking worry that all African Americans might be jailed or deported and wondered what might happen if he changed the color of his skin.
That story is only heartbreaking if your grasp of reality is so tenuous that you can’t dismiss an idiotic child’s silly worry out-of-hand for the ridiculous nonsense is so obviously is.
In the New York Times we find an article by noted mega-genius Sarah Lyall: The Parent-Child Discussion That So Many Dread: Donald Trump.
The 2016 election — with its rudeness, crudeness, bluster and bullying — has presented adults with an unexpected, unpleasant quandary: How on earth do they explain Donald Trump to children?
For some children, Mr. Trump’s message has filtered down in extremely upsetting, possibly dangerous, ways. Social media has buzzed with parents relaying their children’s fears that they or their friends will be deported, walled in or walled out if Mr. Trump becomes president.
There’s a chance, of course, a smidge of a chance, that all the children are terribly afraid because every newspaper and commentator has been saying, for two years, that Trump is Literally Hitler. Maybe the silly children took that stuff seriously!
Next is Slate. Where not only is the writer concerned about explaining Trump to his children, he’s particularly worried because his children are girls (Gasp!) How Do I Explain to My Daughters What Happened in This Election? asks master writer Dan Kois.
As we walked home from our neighbors’ house for a very late bedtime, both girls asked if Hillary was going to win. “It doesn’t look good,” I said. Harper, who’s 9, wanted to nail down some specifics about red states and blue states, and which one our state, Virginia, had turned out to be. Lyra, who’s 11, was more blunt: “That horrible misogynist better not win.”
Now it’s 2 in the morning. Virginia is blue, and the horrible misogynist won.
I reckon a good start in explaining the world to your children is, probably, not turning them into mindless ideologues who consider disagreement to be hate.
So what do we say? The natural inclination of a parent is to protect his kids. What I want to tell them is that things will be fine, America is still the best, we’ll have a chance to elect a woman four years from now.
Yes, you’ll have a chance to elect a president based on genitalia alone! Don’t worry!
Maybe if we want to raise girls who are ready to fight for the better country they deserve, we need to wake them up tomorrow, the first day of a changed America, and break their hearts.
This guy is a drama-queen. Are we sure these daughters are his? Or is there a buff personal trainer somewhere with eyes and hair a lot like little Lyra’s?
I’m going to try. Am I strong enough? Beats me. (I can’t even imagine how much more difficult this conversation will be for parents of color.) I don’t know how hard it was for my parents to tell 9-year-old me in 1984 that Ronald Reagan won. But I bet they weren’t surprised the way I have been tonight, thanks to whatever stone-age polling was tipping them off. This time around I’m conveying the full weight of my disappointment and apprehension to a couple of girls I failed to prepare for such a thing. I expect they’ll remember it the rest of their lives. I hope so.
Get your testosterone levels checked! Pronto! This guy could spontaneously switch genders any second like one of those Amazonian frogs. ‘Parents of color’…. Christ. Next!
Finally let’s consider the Huffington Post’s take on this explaining Trump to the Children nonsense. There’s two to choose from! How To Explain A Donald Trump Presidency To Future Children Of Color and Can You Explain Donald Trump To Your Little Girl.
Let’s look at the Future Children of Color one
When your child asks you how it was possible, prepare them for the following vocabulary lesson.
Get ready for tremendous advice!
Although it may be a heavy term, teach the word “xenophobia” early.
Start the brainwashing as early as possible.
Fear, like heat, is a breeding ground for a bacterium called hatred. When the heat rises, bacteria will capitalize on the opportunity to multiply and spread at an unfathomable rate.
And back it up with unbelievable amounts of bullshit.
Take the time to explain to your child what the term “xenophobia” means and how it played a part in the U.S. election. If you’d like, feel free to use Britain’s vote to leave the European Union as a reference.
Your child will have many questions. If you are a White parent, your child could one day ask you if their Mexican friend is a rapist because their president said so.
The correct answer is ‘probably not’ and ‘the President said no such thing about your friend.’
They may inquire why they should sit next to their Muslim schoolmate on the bus if their president thinks the schoolmate could be a terrorist.
The real question should be: why did you send your kid to such a diverse school? Do you want them to be illiterate and then shot to death in gang war crossfire?
If you are a Black parent, your child could ask you why they should be fearful of police, since they are supposed to be heroes who promised to protect them.
If you’re a criminal, sure be fearful. If you’re not, don’t. Simple. Helps if you’re capable of following simple instructions like ‘put down the gun.’
If you are a Latino parent, your child may ask why strangers make fun of them for speaking another language and bully them into speaking English.
That’s not a stranger, it’s the teacher. That’s not bullying, it’s teaching.
If you are a Muslim parent, your child may one day ask you why classmates make fun of them for not eating the same lunch or praying a different way.
Perhaps go live in one of the fifty Muslim countries where, you’ll be happy to know, Trump isn’t President and halal food is plentiful.
These are realities that are all too true and already happen today, and it may increase at a rate that we are not prepared to accept.
Translation: the writer made it up, it’s not true and it doesn’t happen.
Hold your children close. Let your child know that you will do everything in your power to protect them.
Right: you’re child isn’t Newt, you’re not Ripley and Trump isn’t the Alien Queen.
The fate of our future resides with them. It is up to us to be strong in our hour of despair and prepare them to stand up when we have fallen.
Your children think you are lame. As do I.
Gabrielle Dunkley is the author of “How to Explain George Zimmerman’s Verdict to Future Children of Color.” Her political, social and cultural commentary can be found here.
…… Huffington Post’s Gabrielle Dunkley wins the prize for most retarded out of all the retarded writers.