In an astonishing move in Cleveland this week, Democrat presidential candidate Hillary Clinton claimed to have psychic powers and demonstrated them in front of a crowd of supporters and press.
In response to the Orlando shooting Hillary Clinton said that inflammatory, anti-Muslim rhetoric ‘hurts’ Muslims. She then explained that “the vast majority of Muslims love freedom and hate terror.”
It is believed that, to gain this information, Clinton made us of a remote ‘Cerebro’ device. Clinton campaign representatives later explained that Clinton’s natural psychic abilities are magnified by the Cerebro device which allows her to access “more than a billion minds at once.”
A psychic explains: “by magnifying her natural abilities Clinton accessed the 2 billion or so Muslim minds around the globe. She then, at a subconscious level, ascertained the feelings each of those minds has towards the abstract concepts ‘freedom’ and ‘terror.’”
He continues, “psychic powers are rarely wrong. It is highly unlikely that Clinton would have misread those minds. We must conclude that, indeed, Muslims love freedom and hate terror.”
Clinton’s conclusions are surprising to some. The Islamic holy book, the Koran, appears to contain many passages that explicitly condemn freedom and others that encourage terror. When asked to suggest how we reconcile the Koran, Islamic history with the conclusions reached by Clinton’s mind-reading powers a political commentator shrugged his shoulder and said “I dunno.”