Explosions set off in New York and New Jersey this weekend are thought to have been the intentional actions of a number of inanimate objects, including Evil Trashcans.
Dismissing outright the possibility that the explosions may have been the work of human beings, politicians and media have been quick to point out that, as in all such attacks, it is inanimate objects that are to blame. In this case trashcans and a pressure cooker.
Dumb Times can now exclusively reveal video of the evil trashcans shortly before their attack:
“A pressure cooker attacking people is nothing new,” said a New York Times reporter, referring to the Boston bombings, “but trashcan attacks like this we’ve just not seen before.”
The attack by the trashcans is reminiscent of the July 14th terror when a Truck maliciously attacked Bastille Day revelers in Nice, France.
Other attacks by inanimate objects are expected.
“At this point we simply have to admit that we, the humans, are at war with inanimate objects,” said controversial video journalist Axel Jones, “and the inanimate objects will not stop until all the humans are dead.”
Other inanimate objects which could attack include planks of wood, pieces of furniture, rocks and stones, cupboard doors and mallets.
Dumb Times advises vigilance when dealing with inanimate objects and avoidance of interactions with them if possible.