If we’re lucky the Labour Party will have a new and COMPLETELY AWESOME leader soon. A genius little fella called Jeremy Corbyn who, with a copy of Socialism and Government by Ramsey MacDonald and a flux capacitor, will attempt to create a 1970’s Socialist Republic of Britain! Well, if we all vote for him that is.
Corbyn: master of economics, inventor of time machine, groovy cat
But why wouldn’t we vote for him? Have you heard his brilliant plan for wealth creation? It’s so simple: just force the Bank of England to print a load of money, deposit it in a government owned bank and then the government can spend it on whatever it wants! Why did no one else think of this?!
To be fair, this plan sounds a bit familiar… By the way, have you seen my $100 trillion note?
With Corbyn as our Glorious Leader we can all become trillionaires!
Corbyn also has loads of great ideas about creating jobs by magicing them up from thin air! And even better plans about making sure none of us breath out too much carbon dioxide! And even better plans that allow us all to claim free houses and free loadsaotherstuff! Free stuff such as:
– Free education for ever! Just keep going to university for ever for free! Until everybody is a genius!
– Free health care for everything, for everyone for ever! Get as ill as you want! If you have an itch get a doctor to scratch it! For free! Until everybody is immortal!
– Free money for everybody who says they need some! Want some money? Just go and pick some up at your local government money centre! Fill your boots! Until everybody is equally rich!
– Free ice-cream! For everybody, forever! Tasty tasty!
– Free rights! Want a right to some-thing-or-other? Just tell the government about your right to whatever-it-is and hey-presto! It is one! Wow! Everybody has a right to everything! Forever! Huzzah!
How will we pay for all this? Is the sort of question only a despicable RACIST would ask! Go back to your EDL march you RACIST! Is what we reply, and then we mention in passing that dear leader Corbyn will find the money in the pockets of horrible folk who keep hoarding money and then he’ll print off a load too! Easy peezy!
Hey, if you prefer your anti-left-winger rants in the form of fiction, may I suggest this book…