European Union President Jean-Claude Juncker this week explained the means by which Europe will defend itself against more attacks by Muslims. He called the strategy “openness” and helpfully illustrated the strategy by dipping a Ducky-shaped novelty bath sponge into a bucket of water.
“The best way to fight terror is with openness”, European Union head Jean-Claude Juncker said at a press conference on Wednesday, stressing that Europe must continue to receive migrants in the wake of the deadly Muslim attack in Berlin. He then wrote ‘Europe’ on a Ducky bath sponge and dramatically dipped the sponge into a bucket marked ‘Islam’.
“The sponge, you see,” said Juncker, “has many holes, this is the sponges’ design, it is its strength” he added, “it is open.”
The president of the European Commission warned that the “rhetoric of exclusion” strengthens terrorists and, placing a second Ducky sponge into a plastic bag, showed listeners that the bagged sponge could not absorb any ‘Islam’, represented by the water.
Juncker then compared the weights of the two sponges pointing out that the soaked sponge was “much, much heavier and therefore stronger” that the bagged sponge.
“Nothing now can harm this Ducky,” exclaimed Juncker, holding up the soaked sponge and then prodding it with a tie-pin, “yet the dry sponge in his baggy, he is suffocating!”
Juncker then called for more EU involvement in nations’ internal security, illustrating his reasoning by injecting lemon juice into a bottle of milk.
“You see, internal security against nationalist rhetoric must be our priority. We must not allow the milk to curdle.”
Juncker held up the lemon juice-injected milk and declared that “the basic values for which the European Union stands remain unchanged.” Juncker insisted the continent “must continue to offer refuge to people who flee from war zones and from terror.”
“Anyone who pounces on the rhetoric of exclusion is helping the extremists’ way of thinking, which strengthens their spiral of hate,” said Juncker folding a €20 note into a fan to illustrate the warping of the continent by “the folds of hate.”