After seven deadly days of Merkel refugee attacks in Germany, Dumb Times can exclusively reveal that this is step one in a plan to fill every area of Europe with an equal number of migrant attackers.
The week of bloody attacks involving migrants in Germany is the proof that Merkel migrants are only too happy to attack native Europeans. The problem for European politicians now is to work out how to distribute the attacks equally.
The Germans have witnessed such vibrancy as an 18th July attack by an axe-wielding migrant from Afghanistan on a train. A
22nd July shooting rampage by an Iranian in Munich. A 24th July machete attack by a Syrian refugee on a Polish woman. And another 24th July attack by a Syrian outside a music festival in the small Bavarian town of Ansbach.
The European Commision released a statement regarding the injustice of such vibrant attacks being unequally distributed across Europe. “What we really want,” said Commision spokesman Kurt Efferwild, “is a roughly equal number of vibrant migrant attacks for each member state of the EU.”
“We’re hoping they begin to even out soon. Italy, Spain and Portugal are surely due some migrant attacks soon,” he added.
It is believed that the EU aims for a equal number of European deaths at the hands of migrant Muslims for each member state, proportional to each state’s total population.
“What we don’t want,” said Angela Merkel, “is Europeans being able to go about their lives comfortable and secure in the knowledge they’re not going to be blown up, beheaded, disembowled, or run over, knifed, shot, or tortured to death by Muslims.”