A brand new film in the ‘Carry On’ series is in development, Dumb Times has learned. The new movie, provisionally titled ‘Carry On Calais’, will follow the sexcapades of a group of aid workers as they romp their way through the Calais Jungle migrant camp!
The Carry On franchise was a UK comedy film series at its most popular in the 1960s and 1970s. The stock-in-trade of the Carry On films was bawdy humor, innuendo and the sending-up of British institutions and customs.
The new film, the first since Carry On Columbus in 1992, will be set in and around the migrant camp in Calais widely known as ‘the jungle’ and is inspired by rumors of migrant aid workers’ promiscuity.
It is believed that the film will focus on the adventures of a ‘bevy of babes’ who volunteer for a migrant aid organization.
The risque adventures of the bevy of babes will be based roughly on stories of female migrant aid worker promiscuity, while a sub-plot will follow the attempts of two sex-hungry and desperate males to enter the camp where they believe sexually adventurous exotic beauties reside. A mistaken belief from which many farcical scenes will no doubt spring.
Soap star Helen Flanagan is believed to be in talks to star as one of the ‘bevy of babes’
Antagonists faced by the vivacious and desperate lead characters will include a severe French police captain, a worrisome Mayor of Calais and a hilarious troupe of Islamic extremists!
To move with the times this new entry in the Carry On franchise will have to be more explicit. A source suggests that the Jungle-based, multiple-migrant sex scenes will find their humor in the intricacies of intercultural sexual etiquette rather than double entendres.
Casting for the film is already in progress with former Coronation Street star Helen Flanagan possibly heading up the ‘bevy of babes’ alongside former Harry Potter star Bonnie Wright and US Playboy model Lindsey Pelas.
Bonnie Wright (Ginnie Weasley in the Harry Potter franchise) and model Lindsey Pelas
Producers hope to achieve somewhat of a coup by acquiring the services of respected French actor Vincent Cassel for the role of the severe Police captain who may or may not get caught with his trousers down!
The many migrant characters in the movie will be played by actual residents of the Calais Jungle camp! But one migrant in particular, a character who will spend the movie chasing busty blonde Lindsey Pelas after a steamy encounter in a shipping container, will be played by award winner Barkhad Abdi, star of Captain Philips in which he portrayed a troubled Somali pirate!
Cassel as severe Police Captain Le Coq and Abdi as sex-crazed migrant Abad Fuk
British Film Institute insiders are confident that Carry On Calais will be a far cry from the sorry and painfully unfunny 1992 entry Carry On Columbus. The new film has a contemporary setting and the differences between modern Western women’s sexual liberty and the migrants’ Islamic beliefs and rape culture will, we believe, clash hilariously!
And with Inspector Clouseau type French authority figures, clueless politicians and Muslims-with-goats humor at every turn, Carry On Calais can’t fail!
It’s a cross between Carry On Camping and The Camp Of The Saints… and we at Dumb Times can’t wait to see it!